Death by Sonic Diarreah

Sorry about the length of time between posts. Maybe we can get back into the swing of things again. Been busy with game stuff and IRL. We'll get to that though.

First off. Sonic and the Black Knight came out the other day. Those of you that know me, know I'm a pretty die-hard Sonic fan. Ever since Sega Genesis and my Sonic 2, I've been totally hooked. Then Sonic and Knuckles. God damn. That game was the shit.

Then, one of my all time Favorites. Sonic Adventure for the Dreamcast. I remember I begged my mother to buy me a Dreamcast and the game, and I also recall Toys R Us having screwed up copies of Sonic Adventure where the disk wouldn't read. Drove me bananas man. Took it back and forth like 4 times until my dad and I finally got annoyed and went to Gamestop.

Toys R Us hasn't had much money from me for gaming since then.

So back on topic. Sonic and the Black Knight. Looked pretty promising, something interesting at least.

Nope.

Pretty much failed on an epic level. Controls were bleh, barely any level running, smashing enemies was... kinda dumb.

No Robots.

No Robotnik.

Why, in God's good name, does Sonic Team insist on trying to reinvent this series each time a new game comes out? Sonic Adventure (And two, you could make an argument for) was the last true, real Sonic title.

What did you do?

Well, you fought Eggman and all his nonsensical machines. You bashed in his badniks (Has Sonic Team forgotten this word?) and freed the animals inside. Then, at the end of the stage, you break open the capsule and release a bunch of little buddies. Pretty straight forward right? And that's basically been the premise since day 1. Beat the fat man, save the animals, run like hell.

That's all us fans ever wanted. No more new bad guys. (Though Chaos and Shadow did work pretty well, we'll let those slide~).

Oh, before that. Sonic Unleashed. What the hell? Okay, some of the speed levels were OKAY.

No, don't feed me this bull shit that the levels were good. They were just OKAY. Sonic doesn't need to run the speed of light in any of these games. A Sonic game's gimmick shouldn't rely just on how fast you look like you're going. The levels were always bright, with vibrant colors. Enough speed to keep you moving, not to blow by jumps you need to make and badniks you need to hit. Lets remember Sonic is a platforming game, not a damned racing sim.

Though maybe they came to the same conclusion and that's why we have that whole werehog crapola. Are you kidding me? You want to sell a Sonic game that has you bumbling around as goofy werewolf looking monstrosity, punching and swinging Stretch Arm Strong arms around? No. No no no. You're doing it wrong.

What has been the premise of every god damned Mario game since the beginning?

Beat up Bowser, save the princess.

Zelda?

Beat up Gannon, save the princess.

Sonic, up until they ruined it?

Beat up Robotnik, save the animals, and alright, the Chaos Emeralds.

Mario and Link have never had a bad adventure. Every time Nintendo releases one of these Gems, they're always incredibly fun to play.

You know what else I love about those games?

Mario and Link never have ridiculously awkward and cheesy lines. In fact, they don't even talk.

The whole style thing worked alright in Sonic Adventure, was just corny enough to be fun. Now though, good God...

So what's the deal Sonic Team? You know what I did after spending another 50 bucks on Sonic and the Black Knight?

I popped in Sonic Adventure DX for Gamecube into the Wii, and played all the great Sonic levels. Then I hooked up my DREAMCAST and popped in SA2. Those were the days, whats up with all the gimmicks? All we want is Robotnik to put that Deathegg back into the air, and for Sonic to go up there and blow it to all hell one more time.

Nope. Instead they're shoving more terrible titles down our throats, giving us all another case of Sonic Diarreah..